This week’s felt… blurry. A bit of a haze.

Not in a dramatic, movie-scene kind of way. More like I’ve been walking through fog with no map a bit dazed, a bit tired, not quite sure where I’m headed next. I’ll be honest, it’s been like this for a while.

If you know me, you’ll know I’ve been self-employed for 15 years. I’ve always had my own thing: contracts, clients, creating, designing. I’ve been proud of that. It’s who I was. It’s all i’ve ever known. It gave me purpose, income, identity. And, truthfully, a sense of equality in my relationship, bringing 50% to the table, building a life side-by-side with my husband.

But since having two kids, things have shifted slightly. They haven’t been the same.

Work changed. Contracts became so much harder to come by. Life got harder to juggle. We’re both ambitious, and we’re aiming for the same long-term goals. So the other week, my husband said, “Why don’t you come work with me? Let’s do it together.”

For context, he has an e-commerce company with a small team. I have a lot of the skill sets he needs to help grow his brand.

On the surface, it sounds perfect. Power couple energy. Shared vision. More time. More synergy. But underneath? It’s been alient to me. New. Weird. Unfamiliar.

The Identity Bit No One Talks About

I’m now Head of Brand and Customer Experience in his company — which, yes, plays to my strengths. I’m still doing user experience design (my thing), I still have goals to chase (like improving conversion rates, redesigning the site). But for the first time in a long time, something’s felt… off.

I’ve felt lost. Like a small child in the wilderness. Like I’ve handed over a part of myself that I didn’t realise I was holding so tightly. My name. My work. My autonomy. Even writing that feels weird, but it’s true.

I used to know who I was. My work was mine. My business was me. And now? Even though I’m still working, I’ve found myself asking:

“Who am I now?”
“Where am I in all of this?”
“Is this it?”

It’s been unsettling. Some mornings I wake up teary. Some days I cry in the car. I feel like I’m meant for more, but I don’t yet know what “more” looks like.

And yet… I’m still showing up. I’m still being Mum. I’m still working. I’m still trying to figure it all out, one messy day at a time.

A Little Project That’s Just Mine

That’s why I’ve started this blog.

Not because I have a strategy. Not because I know where it’s going. But because I need something that’s mine again. A space where I can be seen. Where I can share, ramble, write, and feel a little more like me again. Something that fills my own cup.

Because right now, I’m learning that fulfillment doesn’t always come from big milestones or perfect balance. Sometimes it comes from tiny choices. Like:

  • Going for a walk instead of forcing another task.
  • Eating chocolate, because that’s what your body’s craving.
  • Getting your eyebrows done. Because it makes you feel more like yourself.
  • Working from a coffee shop, not because it’s practical, but because it’s freeing.
  • Letting go of the guilt and giving yourself an hour that’s yours.

Yesterday I had a big slab of an Oreo cookie. It was soooo good. I have reactive hypoglycemia, so I have to be careful, but in that moment, I needed it. And you know what? It helped. Maybe only for an hour or so, but it got me out of the house, amongst people and it was just what I needed. I also had an acai bowl later on, went for a walk, and managed a decent workday from 200 degrees coffee shop in Chester.

No, it didn’t fix everything. But it helped. Sometimes all we need is one moment of feeling good. That’s enough to carry us through. Self-care isn’t just about meditating, it’s asking “what does my body need right now” and intuitively, giving it just that.

Where I’m At Now

I’m still figuring it out. I’ve parked my old business. Not forever, but for now. I’ve got small goals within my new role, and I’m trying to take ownership of them. I’m trying to honour my body, listen to what it needs, and take each day as it comes. I really do not have all the answers, but hopefully this confusion will sort itself out and i’m a big believer in…

“I am right where I am meant to be.”

The universe has funny ways and I like to believe that i’m on this path for a reason. Every choice, decision and risk I have taken so far in my life has led me to a beautiful place. Two amazing children, a gorgeous husband and the house of our dreams. So I have to trust that clarity will happen.

So if you’re reading this and feeling similarly lost, here’s what I want to say:

You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
And you don’t need to have all the answers today.

Just ask yourself, “What does my body need right now?”
Then trust the whisper. Whether it’s a nap, a walk, a cry, or cake.

We’ll figure the rest out as we go.
Welcome to my marvellous, messy brain.

I’m off to Morrisons to go buy some baking ingredients, so that on my lunch hour I can feel good. I’ve also downloaded an audiobook to listen to.

What are you doing today to make yourself feel good?
Small wins.

Love Claire xxx